Entry tags:

movies, walruss

previews of movies that now exist in theaters

Heeeey- watcha readin'?
The Grudge 2: If creepy little kids in movies were ever actually creepy, it was for a period of time so brief that cameras were unable to capture it. Unfortunately, “The Grudge 2” has been made, furthering the belief that small pale children suddenly appearing in strange places is the most terrifying experience on earth. Anyone that has been to Ireland can attest that this is a normal and expected occurrence. I assume that if you liked the original “Grudge,” you’ll like “The Grudge 2;” then I start to remember how much I liked “The Ring,” a movie which was followed by a terrible, terrible sequel. Even though the directors of both versions are the same, fans of Japanese horror might want to choose the slightly absurd option of renting the original sequel – and to most people, the thought of reading subtitles will make the foreign version all the more terrifying.

Man of the Year: Through most of his life, Robin Williams played the same wacky character who would often lapse into different voices and personalities whenever his movies dictated (which was often). In the 21st century, however, he decided to take a different path by playing psychopaths in movies like “One Hour Photo” and “Insomniac.” With “Man of the Year,” he’s back to his original stereotypical role, amusing anyone who still thinks that Robin Williams is funny. Essentially, “Man of the Year” is “Robin Williams in Jon Stewart: The Movie.” Heck, “Daily Show” rage master Lewis Black even has a prominent role in the film! To me, “Man of the Year” seems like it’s pandering to “The Daily Show” demographic, and as a frequent watcher of this program I have to say that if this film’s message goes beyond the trite “we need someone who ‘tells it like it is’ in politics,” I’d be very surprised.

The Marine: The first thing I noticed about the trailer for “The Marine” is that this film is produced by the WWE’s movie-making division. Yes, World Wrestling Entertainment. It should be obvious what the people who brought you Randy “Macho Man” Savage’s leathery face plan on delivering in their movies: loud, dumb entertainment. Not that this is a passing of judgment; after all, sometimes loud, dumb entertainment is what some evenings call for. But “The Marine” looks so much like a video game, it may be cheaper to go down to the local arcade (yes, they exist) and play a few games of one of the many “Time Crises.” You won’t have the invincibility code that the main character in “The Marine” seems to have, but you’ll be able to drink beer and shout at explosions without worrying about usher reprisals.

Flags of Our Fathers: Have we not had a good World War II movie in a while? After all, World War II was that last war that was fun to watch, and the last time being a patriot was mandatory. In “Flags of Our Fathers,” veteran (I mean, just look at him) director Clint Eastwood brings us the story of the men behind the famous flag-raising Iwo Jima statue. And while the many other story-behind-the-statue movies are unbearably dull, “Flags of Our Fathers” looks to be a nice period piece with at least one kickass beachfront battle. My only worry is that Paul Haggis – whose writing stinks as much as the dish that bears his name – is the credited writer for this movie. I know that his writing won him Oscar Gold in “Crash,” but his preachy hamfistedness won him nothing but Bile Yellow from me. I suggest that you be wary- that is, if you care about America.

The Prestige: “Batman Begins” director Christopher Nolan has finally made a movie about the superheroes of reality: magicians. No, not the jumpsuited, besequined men with pockets full of birds and homely assistants; I’m talking about the magicians of 100 years ago. “The Prestige” tells the story of two of these magicians in turn-of-the-century England, played by Hugh Jackman and Christopher Bale- REAL ENGLISH PEOPLE. If you don’t find this authenticity amazing, “The Prestige” also features Michael Caine, perhaps the most English Englishman still alive. And we also have Scarlett Johansson, who will no doubt be dressed in flattering but internal organ crushing corsets. I trust Christopher Nolan, if only because he completely blew my mind with 2001’s “Memento;” and “The Prestige” looks like it may be just as twisty and turny.

Marie Antoinette: Until somewhat recently, Sofia Coppola was rather infamous in Hollywood for blighting the almost flawless “Godfather” trilogy with her godawful performance. She redeemed herself dramatically with her film, “Lost in Translation,” due mostly to the fact that she did not act in that movie. Sofia looks to be back on the wrong side of the tracks with “Marie Antoinette,” based on what I saw in the trailer. If you don’t believe me, go to imdb.com, search for the movie, and view the trailer for yourself. Why is it just a bunch of scenes of Marie partying while a song that sounds a lot like “We’ve Got the Beat” plays in the background? Why does the movie’s logo use the “Fight Club” font? What’s even worse is that I still know nothing about the actual movie, which may be just what Sofia Coppola wants.

Flicka: I can’t get over the fact that “Flicka” sounds like something you do with a booger, instead of the name of a horse. But this story about a teen and her horse seems to be intended for little girls, who hopefully don’t think like me. It seems like these “a girl and her horse” movies come along every five to ten years, and they’re all virtually indistinguishable. The girl is misunderstood, the horse is misunderstood, but somehow they find a connection that is suitable for all audiences to watch. Honestly, going into “Flicka,” you should know what to expect. And if you enjoy horses you’ll at least have a good time and come home not reeking of “fair stench.”