Entry tags:

walruss

these movies are out and i hate them

:(

Opening 11/10

Stranger then Fiction – As funny as he is, lately Will Ferrell’s movies have not been known for their quality. Bewitched was convoluted and unnecessary, while Talladega Nights made me long for the return of his Ron Burgundy character. Stranger Than Fiction teams Ferrell with a co-star he hasn’t worked with in quite some time: an interesting premise. In Fiction, Ferrell plays a hapless IRS agent whose life suddenly becomes narrated – and controlled – by an omniscient author. And on the other side of things, this author has no idea that this new character of hers is a real person, which is why she holds not convictions about killing him off. The premise seems interesting enough to carry the film as long as they don’t try to logically explain the magical author/subject connection (ex. “A wizard did it.”) And I would say that this film is slightly ripping off John Candy’s Delirious, but I’m sure the eight other people who saw that movie wouldn’t really care.

The Return – The Return might as well be called Stir of Echoes: Sarah Michelle Gellar Edition (Now With Less Bacon), because the plot of this movie is extremely similar to the 1999 Kevin Bacon thriller. Both The Return and its predecessor feature the idea of ordinary people haunted by horrible visions which cause them to solve murders of the past. The main difference between the two is that Stir’s story was penned by Richard Matheson – the creator of the zombie genre and a fabulous horror writer – while the writer of The Return seems to only have experience on some TV show called Night Stalker. America, who would you trust? Sarah Michelle Gellar stars, so you may want to see The Return if you need more material for your Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan fiction.

A Good Year – Like Sideways, A Good Year is a wine-related comedy. But instead of the impish Paul Giamatti and Thomas “Please Don’t Mention Wings” Haden Church, A Good Year stars the phone-throwing New Zealand madman, Russell Crowe. Crowe plays an Englishman whose world is turned upside down when the claim on his newly-inherited vineyard is challenged by an American woman. Please note that his world is not turned sideways, because that would be bordering copyright infringement. It’s nice to see Crowe remove himself from tortured and overbearing Oscar roles, but A Good Year – even with Ridely Scott as director – looks a little bland. Hopefully after swishing this one around in your mouth, you won’t want to spit it in a bucket. Now congratulate me for only using one wine analogy.

Harsh Times – Christian Bale is less Batman and more Joker (except without the world’s only hot clown as his sidekick) in this brutal drama about an ex-Army ranger returning to a life of crime after failing to land a job with the LAPD. For some reason, Harsh Times has been finished for a year, yet this movie seems to be showing up in American theaters last. IMDB.com also tells me that Iceland got this movie a month before we did. Iceland! I smell a conspiracy theory, or perhaps just movie executives trying to hide a bad movie. From Harsh Times, I get subtle shades of Falling Down – with the story of a man’s downward spiral in South Central L.A. – so hopefully first-time director David Ayer won’t go on to direct movies featuring bodysuits with elaborately molded nipples and codpieces, as Joel Schumacher did. See? Everything begins and ends with Batman.

Opening 11/17

Casino Royale – The long-awaited new James Bond is here in this movie adaptation of Ian Fleming’s first novel about the spy who prefers his martinis abused. Daniel Craig replaces Pierce Brosnan in this story about James Bond’s infiltration of a terrorist cell via casino (hence the title). A refurbishment may be just what the franchise needs, especially after 2002’s lousy Die Another Day. I think it’s important to note that Bond does not yet have his license to kill in this movie (as it is the “first” Bond adventure), so you may miss the wholesale slaughter of enemy goons - but I’m sure there’s lots of fun to be had with a permit to kill. Fans wanting more Brosnan Bond action may just want to wait until next year’s Mrs. Doubtfire 2, and then pretend really hard that Pierce Brosnan’s role in this film is a very convincing Bond undercover mission.

Fast Food Nation – Since Super Size Me’s documentary approach did a fantastic job of showing the world how fast food is both murder and suicide, director Richard Linklater decided to turn Eric Schlosser’s book - the strictly non-fiction Fast Food Nation - into a very fictional movie. Greg Kinnear plays a fast food marketing executive investigating the behind-the-scenes aspects of his industry, from the kill floor to the packing plant, and all the gritty details in between. I can understand Linklater’s attempt to deliver all of the book’s messages in the form of a traditional narrative, but the sheer depth of Schlosser’s writing and research makes me think this will be a tough conversion. I suggest that you read the book, or at least get the movie tie-in version of the book on CD (as read by Greg Kinnear).

Happy Feet – Another CGI movie made for kids, this time about dancing penguins. And apparently, someone had the entirely original idea of casting Robin Williams in an animated role where he plays Robin Williams! Well, Penguin Robin Williams. In fact, this movie has an entire cadre of celebrities attached to it, including Elijah Wood, Hugh Jackman, and Nicole Kidman. My theory is that celebrities are lending their voices to awful roles like these because A.) they want to entertain their children, or B.) studios who release movies like Happy Feet have terrible pictures of these celebrities in their possession. In the following year, I would like to see Matthew Perry play a seal, Regis Philbin play a mountain goat, and Jim Belushi play a talking pile of garbage. Thanks in advance, Hollywood.

Let’s Go to Prison – Arrested Development junkies looking for their next fix may be interested in Let’s Go To Prison, as it stars Will Arnett (AKA G.O.B.); and fans of comedy in general may be interested in the movie due to Bob Odenkirk’s (of Mr. Show with Bob and David) role as director. This Odd Couple in jail story features Arnett as the new guy in jail with his cellmate (Dax Shepard) showing him the ropes. My only concern is that half of the trailer features prison rape jokes. And the prison rape joke has been thoroughly explored by every hack comedy writer on earth. But, with so many tremendously funny people associated with Let’s Go to Prison, I still have hope.