the jambar: 75 years of "what the hell is a jambar?"
If you’ve been to the YSU campus anytime within the past 75 years, you may have noticed the stacks of newspapers with the words “The Jambar” boldly emblazoned on the front page. In fact, the odds are astronomically likely that you are, in fact, holding an issue of The Jambar in your hands at this very moment! There’s no need to panic, as it’s a fairly common phenomenon on campus that has resulted in very few fatalities. The simple truth is that The Jambar is the best student-run bi-weekly paper on campus, and I dare you to find another paper of our quality which matches all of those criteria. Don’t bother to check; it’s really not that important.

Unlike a specimen of humankind, reaching 75 does not mean that the Jambar has become weak and useless, spending its days idly sipping coffee in grocery store bakeries, waiting to die. Rather, we at the Jambar are stronger than ever, breaking bold new ground in many different fields, but mainly in journalism and dog grooming. From letting you know where the ever-roaming clouds of toxic lead will be hovering on campus, to informing you of diving scores, the Jambar is there! And through our 75 years, we’ve seen quite a few successes stumble through our doors. Bob Woodward, Carl Bernstein, Walter Cronkite, and Murphy Brown… None of these people worked at the Jambar, and one of them is fictional, but we would gladly let them work here, free of charge, if they asked nicely. Except for the dead one. Try to figure out which one it is; I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Perhaps the most baffling thing about The Jambar is the title of our paper which is, appropriately enough, “The Jambar.” Unlike another Youngstown paper, The Vindicator, which is named after a murderous cyborg built to deliver newspapers and destroy humanity, before I worked here, I always assumed that “Jambar” was just a made up word like “Reaganomics.” When I first started working at the Jambar, my editor introduced me to the titular force behind our paper. It was revealed to me that a jambar is actually an inanimate metal pole used in the steel mills of old, to open super-heated steel doors or to harass union-busters with red-hot disfiguring fury. Yes, at one point in time those large abandoned buildings in Youngstown were actually used for the production of steel, and legend has it that during those salad days the sun was actually known to pierce the clouds, and the prison was not the most prominent building on the city’s skyline. It was then that a jambar could be used appropriately, but ours sits motionless on a wall in our office, begging us to ask us about its grandchildren.

Most of us ignore its cries, but on lonely nights in the Jambar offices one can hear the ghostly and educational moans of our very own jambar. I’ve been known to spend late nights at the offices writing my articles (copying and pasting content from college humor websites), and through various contacts with its agent, the filing cabinet, I was able to score an interview with our very own jambar. Fortunately, it didn’t last very long.

BM: So, Jambar, how are you?

Jambar: JAMBAR TO WORLD: I ENVY THE DEAD

BM: Fascinating. So, Jambar, how do you feel about the future of Youngstown?

Jambar: MASSIVE FIRES DON’T MELT CITY’S SPIRIT

BM: I see you’re very busy. Any final words for our readers?

Jambar: CAT SCARVES ARE PURR-FECT GIFT FOR WINTER

Despite the fringe comments of our mascot, I think you’ll find that The Jambar has always had a collection of sane, differing opinions, providing an appropriate discussion platform, no matter what the stance of the reader may be. It’s an annoying college paper cliché to have a collection of ignorant, liberal comments such as “George W. Bush is Hitler.” Here at the Jambar, we would only publish such content only if we had photographic proof of the President being the infamous tyrant, and even then we would provide a forum for supporters of both George W. Bush and Hitler. That’s the difference professionalism makes.

For 75 years, The Jambar has had this sense of professionalism, and we will continue to steer our creaky boat of journalism out into the vast News Ocean, trying to find mermaids which have no place in this metaphor at the moment. And while so called professionals may scoff at our status as a college paper, we are proud to say that our paper stock is just as absorbent as that of nationally-recognized newspapers such as The New York Times. That’s got to count for something.